


Count Me In

by Otakumikulovinggamer4life



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Emotional Baggage, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovered Memories, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Survivor Guilt, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 21:03:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13842993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Otakumikulovinggamer4life/pseuds/Otakumikulovinggamer4life
Summary: After defeating Junko Enoshima, Kirigiri is hailed as the Ultimate Hope but she just can't live with that title.In fact, she can't live at all, not when Celestia's gone. She just wants to see her again and finally, she has the courage to do such.((TW: Kirigiri commits suicide and it is detailed!!!))





	Count Me In

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hey, before anyone yells at me, I am almost done with the latest chapter of DOK and it's probs gonna be 2-3k words. Secondly, I am NOT suicidal!!! In fact, I've never been happier in my life, things are finally looking up for me, and this fic is just a soundcloud induced pile of angst. Comments are always appreciated!

There was a scar on Kirigiri’s heart. It bled everyday, the stitches within it never stayed and it was so painful. No matter what the detective did or said, the seams burst open and she was left, screaming, crying, coming undone in agony with only the realization that the process would repeat again tomorrow. And the next day and the next.

 

For eternity.

 

This scar wasn't a physical one, no, it was emotional and therefore couldn't be numbed with any anesthetics or pain killers, the lavender haired woman simply suffered every day of this miserable life she had been tasked with. Going through a killing game was one thing but the truths revealed to her were all too much.

 

Kirigiri was not only tasked with this new title of ultimate hope that didn't fit her in the slightest, she'd also learned that the world was in ruins, her memories had been erased and her entire killing school life had been broadcasted to the masses.

 

Ultimate Hope they all spout endlessly, how could she be that when she felt nothing but despair ebbing at her very soul? These heavy bags under her eyes, an immovable weight on her shoulders as her gloved hands pushed through rubble day after day. The constantly feeling of someone watching her, judgemental eyes all about her. 

 

The memories that, whenever they pleased, assaulted her. Tearing the detective's heart to shreds, pouring static tears out of her glassy eyes, forcing screams from her hoarse throat. They murdered her however they saw fit and there was absolutely nothing Kirigiri could do about it. The days spent laying in bed, staring up at a dark ceiling as memories of intertwined hands and chaste kisses sat on her eyelids.

 

A small smile tugging on her lips, only in those gut wrenching moments could she manage to smile, thoughts of an ebony haired gambler prancing about. 

 

_ Celestia Ludenberg… _

 

That woman was too perfect for words. She maintained an elegance about her even within her death, staring the grim reaper in the eyes with a dainty smile on her face despite the bitter tears glittering on her eyelashes. Kirigiri’s heart squoze at the memory, a seam popping at that moment.

 

She had stupidly fallen love within the immaculate walls of Hope's Peak Academy, not once, but twice. During a happy and everything but average high school life, Kirigiri can clearly remember Celestia staring at her with owlish, innocent eyes and batting those long eyelashes.

 

Memories of the lolita softly pressing her lips to Kirigiri’s own, her soft and nimble hands running through lavender locks, her hushed laughter at three in the morning as their bodies intertwined in the most innocent and delicate of ways. 

 

Celestia taking polaroids and complaining when they didn't come out perfectly, the way she danced around like a fairy with classical music blasting, the nights she would stay up until dawn with her eyes glued to some anime about vampire boys. The way her hand would tighten around Kirigiri’s hand when she got nervous.

 

Even more than that, Kirigiri remembers a certain phrase that she always found herself saying. 

 

“ _ Count me in,”  _ her smiling lips would say when Celestia dragged her to a festival, when she was babbling about some new restaurant and even during the killing game, when the gambler suggested a late night swim. 

 

 The detective's memories clash, tearing from the moment Celestia shamefully admitted, “Taeko Yasuhiro...is fine…” to the moment when she quietly murmured her real name to Kirigiri in an intimate moment. The so called Ultimate Hope had caused the woman she loved the greatest despair, her verdict condemned an angel on earth to a fiery death.

 

Kirigiri could barely live with herself. Every night she got less sleep, cried more, she was always shaking from stress and it never ceased for one moment. Her face was worn, she never smiled or even seemed pleased, a monotone face that screamed just how tired she was. It was beginning to be too much, the despair was choking her and slowly killing her.

 

_ “Count me in,”  _ she had yelled as she agreed to play strip poker.

 

“ _ Count me in!”  _ she laughed as she and Celestia raced across a beautiful bridge in pouring rain.

 

“ _ Count me in!” _ she chuckled, fixing her gloves as she prepared to join in a childish snow fight with a rosy cheeked gambler beside her. 

 

Why couldn't she go back to those times? Why, no matter how hard she prayed, did God ignore her requests? The one wish she's ever had in her quiet life, Kirigiri would scream when no one could hear, “ **_Please God, let me see her again!”_ **

 

The sun would shine brightly the next day, God would mock her,  _ laugh _ in her face. Everyone would remark what great weather it was before sipping their coffee in silence, Kirigiri would be silent as memories of field days overflowing with summer memories clawed at her. The joyous carefree laughter of her classmates, the way they all competed and argued if someone had cheated.

 

The way Celestia cheered and screamed for her, having faith she would win even in her worst categories. Kirigiri would find herself nauseous and excuse herself from the break room. Why was everyone else okay with this? Did they care so little about their classmates?

 

Kirigiri had noticed that Makoto's smile didn't seem so bright, it seemed so much wiser. Even so, he was a brilliant flower that she could never hope to be. He was more deserving of the title of ultimate hope, the detective sneered. Life was meaningless to her, at this point. Not even saving people brought her joy, anymore.

 

She always found herself angrily wondering why they got to survive but the vibrant rose that was Celestia Ludenberg did not. It pressed upon her body and mind like two tons and she was certain it would never leave. She was sick and tired of Asahina banging on her locked door, yelling to see if she was okay when all Kirigiri could do was scream and throw her body about with no regards to anything.

 

Throwing everything onto the floor as she shrieked, “I would trade her life for mine, why do I have to live with this?!” The way she would bang her head against the wall until she got a nosebleed, taking shattered glass shards and squeezing them, stabbing them into her supple yet marred skin.

 

_ “Count me in!” _ the overly happy voice of her past self would say as she and Celestia childishly spent hours in the park, swinging aimlessly.

 

“ _ Count me in!”  _ she would say when the lolita bashfully offered to paint her nails or do her hair.

 

She would shake and cry silently when eventually, the door was kicked in and Asahina would hold her like a distressed child.  The detective would always stare blankly ahead, blood running down her chin as tears slipped from her lifeless eyes. Kirigiri felt nothing, not even the warmth of another human being.

 

Coffee held no taste no matter how much sugar she dumped into it nor did it bring her any energy. Her own reflection seemed like a shapeless, distorted blur. The detective found any excuse she could to go back to her room. Sometimes she watched that red sky spin and twirl about, laughing bitterly at how it paled in comparison to a certain pair of ruby eyes.

 

Other times, she would hug her pillow and sleep for hours on end. Her mind would supply her with endless dreams of her beloved and it was much better than anything reality had to offer. Kirigiri noticed that she wasn't really eating anymore, only because of the way her skirt is loosely hanging off of her body.  She also finds that she doesn't care.

 

She's stopped coming out of her room, she just stares out the window and ignore the various knocks and various voices’ inquiries. For some reason, her mind trots over to memories of Sayaka, the very first victim. The way the knife was plunged into her stomach, life completely vanished from her wide open, no longer wondering eyes.

 

Kirigiri catches a glimpse of herself in the window and realises that she looks almost identical to Sayaka, the rotting corpse of a once youthful musician. Dead eyes, grey cheeks drained of color, that constant expression of dread as death eats at her. The only thing missing is the knife.

 

The detective smiles at this and for the first time in days, she dawns her jacket as it hangs off of her lithe frame and exits her room. The lights are bright, almost blinding. The smell of food is nauseating, the frigid and crisp air burns her lungs, the soft padding of her feet against the floor is driving her mad.

 

“ _ Count me in _ !” She said before chugging vodka and immediately regretting it.

 

“ _ Count me in!”  _ she winked as Celestia dragged her onto the dance floor in front of everyone, all eyes on them. 

 

Kirigiri is in a daze, everything is blurring and mixing together. She thinks she hears someone greet her as she shakily saunters down the hall. She makes it to the empty kitchen and without hesitance but a burning determination, she grabs a kitchen knife with a wry smile and quickly turns on her heel.

 

Kirigiri walks down the hall happily, the happiest she's felt since those three words last left her mouth. Her own form of ‘I love you’, she supposes as her hands grabs the doorknob and turns it. Within seconds, the lavender woman is within her chambers and locking the door behind her.

 

She takes long, graceful strides over to the window as she once again finds herself comparing the sky to the color of Celestia's eyes. And like it happened yesterday, she clearly remembers the gambler saying, “Please, join me!”

 

Kirigiri smiles like a cheshire cat, she tightens her grip on the knife as she slowly raises it and presses the tip of the cold  weapon to the thin white fabric of her shirt.

 

“ **_Count me in.”_ **

 

Without any fear or doubt, no hesitation or second thoughts, the detective plunges the knife into her chest abd directly into her broken, beating heart. Red ribbons spray from her chest gorgeously and Kirigiri grins,  _ that's  _ more like Celestia's eyes. The window is painted with her life, it seeps from her trembling lips as the smallest squeaks float from her throat. Tears are springing forth but they are of joy and not despair.

 

Kirigiri thinks herself stupid for not realizing that she didn't have to suffer for so long, she could've been reunited with Celestia in a moment's notice instead of foolishly trying to find hope, something that didn't exist for someone like her. The detective falls to her knees, blood is everywhere but her body is too numb to feel it at this point.

 

All she feels is a horrific coldness, her body trembling as her vision gets hazy and everything is swirling together. It's getting harder to breathe, every breath is so shallow and unrewarding, it feels no different from her day to life! Everything is going black, she can't feel anything, she can't see anything, she hears nothing but deafening silence. Kirigiri doesn't stop smiling, even as her last shallow breath leaves her body.

  
  
Hours later, after worry has consumed her, Asahina gets the others to come open Kirigiri’s door by force. She, Makoto and Touko all scream and Byakuya simply covers his mouth in shock, even he didn't foresee Kirigiri doing such a thing. There's nothing they can do, they realize this and it kills them as Makoto is sobbing his eyes out, Asahina cradling Kirigiri’s lifeless body to her chest as she screams,  **_“Why'd you do it?!”_ **


End file.
